Coming out for the first time is a scary and daunting experience. Even the thought of it used to send shivers down my spine. I used to doubt myself, thinking my sexuality was invalid, that I was invalid. The LGBTQ+ community had a stigma attached to it and I was terrified of what it would do to me. Reading about the experiences of multiple teenagers, being disowned by their friends and family for not being straight. In all honesty, it broke my heart and adversely affected my self-confidence.
I officially came out to my friends around six months ago, when I was 16. Some of them were unsurprised at my coming out, as they already knew I wasn’t straight! Regardless, each person I came out to was supportive and respectful of my identity. I thus consider myself to be particularly privileged in this respect - for being surrounded by people that are not overtly homophobic, and to live in a country that is relatively more socially progressive as compared to its neighbours, albeit in no way comparable to the West.
I then decided to come out to my mom- I again could not get the words “I am gay” to roll off my tongue, and so wrote a letter to her, handed it to her and sat as she read it. She read the letter, and noticing the tears on my cheeks, seeing me shiver with nervousness, started laughing. She said it was no big deal. After asking me how I explored my sexuality and came to the conclusion of being gay. She told me how she doubted her sexuality too as a teenager, I realised just how much stronger our bond had gotten and was glad I came out to her.
A few weeks later, I came out to a wider range of people through an Instagram post in mid-July 2020. I copy-pasted a cheesy caption from the internet and posted a picture of myself in a rainbow filter. The responses I got were overwhelming- dozens of people were commenting, showing their support, and being proud of me for what I did. Everyone was so supportive, and to be honest, that is all I could ever ask for. I was not subject to homophobic bullying, despite being bullied previously, due to my perceived effeminate behaviour.
However, as colourful and hopeful my coming out story sounds, I realise I am from the privileged few that are accepted by their society for who they are. A vast majority of LBGTQ+ youth undergo the physical as well as the psychological trauma of homophobic bullying. Many are disowned by their families, persecuted and sentenced to death, in many countries, for having alternate sexualities.
I thus urge all LGBTQ+ youth thinking about coming out of the closet to be sure if they are ready for it, and even more importantly, if the society around them is in a position to accept them. A good way to find out if people around you are homophobic is to talk to them about the issue of same-sex marriage and adoption and to assess their opinions on it. I did something similar, by doing a “coming out prank” on my best friend almost 2 years ago on April Fool’s Day. He took it surprisingly well and this genuinely did make me more confident and gave me an idea about the opinions of people around me.
I would also urge individuals who are financially dependent on their homophobic parents to not come out. This is because while accepting your identity is extremely important, keeping your safety in mind takes precedence above all.
Lastly, remember that coming out is not a one-time activity. You would need to come out to a lot of people multiple times in your life. And I feel a good way to do this is to come out in layers as I did- first tell your closest friends, then your parents and then the larger society around you.
And always remember, you deserve all the love in the world and are no less valid than heterosexual cis-gendered people!
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